We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
whose parrot is this?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
