Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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