I like to think it a success when the cops are called
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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