omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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