If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
