i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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