Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I am mentally ready for anal.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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