just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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