She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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