I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
