i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
