So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
