my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
