Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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