dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
