left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
