I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
