Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
