ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
