Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
