Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
