Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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