the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
