well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize