You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I supernannyed him into submission
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Drunk is a universal language darling
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