you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
