At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize