Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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