The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude i'm inner monologue high
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I need moral support for this bender
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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