Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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