A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
