If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
