Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
