Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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