Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize