So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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