Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
