My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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