I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
