did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize