I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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