Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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