booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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