lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
