The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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