walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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