We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
