I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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