$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
