I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
