Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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