I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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