He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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