OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
