Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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