I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
