tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
