Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
