So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh god it's open bar.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
