did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
