I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
