you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
