they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
