3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
