Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
