How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
