dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
