im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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