I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
