he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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