I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Everyone says I win the strip club
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
